so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
