best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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