she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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