we made out on top of his cat.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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