Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
