I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
