Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
