He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
