How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
