Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
