he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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