I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
