Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just gift wrapped bread.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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