Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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