I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
