That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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