I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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