is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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