i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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