She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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