the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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