We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
