Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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