Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
