Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
