Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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