I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
