if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
