Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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