Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
