it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
