I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
