She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
FUCK WHALES
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
