it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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