She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
