So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
