eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I need to calm my uterus...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
