Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
