I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I need to stop coming to work sober
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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