She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
