I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
