My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
