Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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