Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
