he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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