just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
