So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
