If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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