I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You made out with two different species that night
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
