i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
