his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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