I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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